6 Dating Red Flags You Just Can't Ignore
I’m going to get straight to the point today, ladies. STOP wasting your time. A wise woman once said what shows up in the end was there at the beginning. I know this to be true because for every failed relationship that I experienced, the partner that was dishonest, a douche bag, or a cheater, was always just that. I either failed to notice the signs or ignored them. So how do you save yourself from heartache? Awareness, my friend! Below are 6 red flags (in no particular order) that you should steer clear of when you begin seriously dating someone.
Catching them in lies early on
I know that this one may be obvious to some, but I have to say it anyway. If a person is dumb enough to get caught in a lie in the first couple weeks, then trust me lying is a way of life. I once dated a man who lied about his age. His age! He told me he was 28 when he was actually 32. Y'all I met this man at the bar the night of his actual birthday! I guess he thought I wouldn’t date him if I knew his true age, but it wouldn’t have bothered me at all. He got caught because I asked to see his driver's license picture or something silly like that. I can add and subtract so I was like ummm somebody’s lying. I later found out that he was lying about a bunch of stuff during the year that we were dating. I say all that to say that liars gonna lie. They don’t just wake up and magically stop, even if they think they can.
Deadbeat dads and moms
There is nothing wrong with dating a man or woman with children. However, dating a man who neglects his children is a no, no. First of all, if he does it to his other children, he may very well do the same if someday you share children. Secondly, what does that say about his ability to prioritize? He can afford to take you out on dates and treat you like a “queen”, but he can’t support his child(ren). It’s not that he can’t, he just won’t. Men who help to bring children into the world and then don’t help to raise them are trash. And I don't want to hear about his baby momma not letting him see his kid. If he cares that much, take her ass to court and get visitation or some form of custody. Run, friend, run.
If you’ve never been invited to their house
So if you begin to seriously date someone and they never invite you to their house there's a reason. I’m going to take a guess and say their house is disgusting, they live with their momma, or they live with another woman. In my mind, people don’t give out their addresses when they know they have bad intentions with you. For example, If I plan to cheat on you, I’m not going to give you my home address so you can pop up and catch me doing wrong or know where to go to destroy my property when you find out. Again, if you’ve only been on a few dates, its normal to wait to bring someone into your personal space. But if you’re talking about entering into a relationship, then I need to know where you live. Period.
How they treat or speak about their parents
Pay attention to the way a person talks about their parents, particularly how a man speaks about his mom and the way a woman speaks about her father. I understand that every parent isn’t a good parent. So I’m not saying to punish your partner because they had an unfit mom or dad. What I am telling you to do is pay attention to how they speak and feel about them. If someone is harboring hate or ill-will toward their parent that means that they have not found peace in their relationship or the absence of it. And you will not be able to heal that pain- not today, not ever. More than likely they will need to seek professional help to work through their issues and it’s not your job to sit around and be mistreated until they do so. Forgiveness is hard, but I believe you should master the act before you decide to settle down.
People who take their phone with them everywhere
A person who can’t be away from their phones for 5 seconds or always has their phones facing down is either dating someone else, married, or a drug dealer. Ok, ok, that may not be true, but in my experience it has been. If you have a lock on your phone, there’s no need to take it to the bathroom with you. If you’re being that extra, it’s because you’re hiding something.
People who don’t respect your time
Have you ever dated someone who canceled often, last minute, or is always late? Yeah, this is a sign that they don’t respect you or your time. Of course emergencies happen, but flagrant offenders are telling you that they’re not mature enough to realize that they are not the only people who matter in the world. I’m assuming that If you can’t show up when you say you will then you probably won’t be there when I really need you. People who care about you will show up when they say they’re going to. Choose someone who is dependable.
Trust your gut
So you’ve been dating this person for awhile and you like them, but something deep down in your gut tells you that something isn’t right. Usually when we can’t find physical evidence of someone's poor character traits we assume there are none. It’s not true. Some people are just better at hiding them than others. I mean I’ve dated some real actors. Remember that you’re probably just dating someone's representative in the first few months anyway. When in doubt, don’t make things serious. There’s a reason why your body is reacting that way.
So these are my 6 red flags when seriously dating someone. What did I miss? Leave them in the comments.