5 Sex Gems from "We're Going to Need More Wine" by Gabrielle Union
Y'all, I can't remember the last time I read a book in two days. It just doesn't happen! Not because I don't like to read, but mostly because most author's style of writing is so damn boring. Oh, but not Gabrielle Union’s new book “We’re going to need more wine: Stories that are funny, complicated, and true”. I laughed, I cried, I reflected, I was inspired to tell my truth. If you haven't checked it out already, consider buying it.
So I could give you a list of the top 10 lessons I learned while reading, and trust me there were many lessons to be learned. I could tell you about her experiences growing up in a predominately white neighborhood and school, how she navigated being black in Hollywood, how she helped hide a fugitive, or about how Queeshaun tried to kill her... but I won't. You’ll have to read it yourself. However, since I am a sex and relationship blogger I will share snippets of some of her experiences with sexual health, love, and relationships. Check them out below:
SEXUAL RECIPROCATION... IS THERE ANY OTHER WAY?
So of course when you're trying to sell a book, people are looking for a good sound bite. Which is why when Gabby's advice on asking for reciprocation during sex turned into a conversation about eating your partner's booty, it went viral. It also inspired some really funny memes.
I don't know why licking or eating booty is still taboo, but it happens people. I bet money that most of the men/ women who think it's "nasty" or "gay" to lick someone's butt, haven't tried it. They probably would like it if they did! And if you tried it and don't like it, good for you. Just don't knock someone else's good time.
Now I don't want y'all to miss the point. The point is WOMEN, you shouldn't just be giving away your bodies to your partner with no expectation of something in return. Like who gives a new partner a blow job and get's nothing in return??? Where they do that at? If I go down on you, I expect you to do the same for me. Furthermore, you HAVE to ask for what you want. That doesn't make you a hoe or a freak. It just means that you know what you want outta life (If you missed the Andre 3000 reference, you're too young to be reading this). When you're having consensual sex there should be reciprocity. You also should be having sex with the end goal of pleasure and satisfaction. That does not have to include orgasm, but you should at the very least enjoy it. If not, then why even do it??? You are not a vessel for someone else's enjoyment, girl. If you're in a one-sided relationship, ask yourself why... then run A.W.A.Y!
Another great line that I loved from the book was “Look, you can’t take your pussy with you [when you die]. Use it. Enjoy it. Fuck fuck fuck until you run out of dicks [or vaginas]...and feel zero shame"
And I CONCUR. Sex can lower blood pressure, improve sleep, and decrease stress, just to name a few. Get out there and get your whole life! Responsibly of course.
THE BEST WAY TO GET OVER SOMEONE IS TO GET UNDER SOMEONE ELSE...
One of Gabrielle's break up tips is to cushion the blow with someone else's body. Now do I think it's a good idea to use sex as a method to get over an ex? It depends. If you're having sex with someone new because you like sex and need to get your rocks off, have at it. If you're doing it to get your mind off your ex, cool. If you're doing it because you think it's going to help you get over them faster or to make them jealous, no bueno! The truth is that no matter how much new sex you have, it is still going to take time to get over someone. You don't love someone for years and forget them in a week. With that being said, rebounds are important and necessary. I've had my heart broken and started a rebound situationship to help myself move on. The key is to be transparent with the new person and let them know that you're just dating and not looking for anything serious. If they start catching feelings that's on them, but above all else do not jump into a new relationship right after getting out of one. Give yourself time to heal.
As someone who has had her fair share of yeast infections, they suck! They suck even more when you have plans to get your back blown out right before it shows up.
-Let me also take this moment to say that I am so tired of women being blamed for yeast infections. Oh, maybe your pants were too tight, maybe you didn't take a shower soon enough after you worked out, maybe your diet sucks, or maybe you're just nasty. How about sometimes stress and hormones throw off that self-cleaning oven of ours and shit happens. If you've never had one before, good for you. However, 3 out of 4 women likely will have an itchy cooch at some point in their lives so don't assume you're off the hook yet. -
Moving right along...
Gabrielle tells the story of how she flew out of town to see a beau, only to notice the onset of a yeast infection. She had a day before he got into town so she immediately knew she needed to get to a CVS to get some Monistat. Yet, because she's rich and famous, she walked into the crowded store to get her personal items and left without them for fear of being photographed or recorded. Instead of putting her big girl panties on and getting what she needed she asked her friend for some "home remedies". She was told to try drinking cranberry juice and also to put some yogurt in her vajayjay. Of course, she couldn't even get that right because she got cranapple juice and vanilla yogurt (too much sugar in both). When I tell you I was cracking up reading the story, I am not exaggerating. But the real reason I was laughing is because those "all natural" remedies didn't work for me either. Yes, the internet is a lie, folks. My advice is to go get you some Monistat or make a doctor's appointment and get something that will get the job done. You also can't assume that your itchy vag wasn't caused by something else (like say an STD). When in doubt, ask a professional.
Just an FYI, those one-day Monistat joints are not what they seem. To someone who has not done the research, you may think that you use the meds one day and the next day you're back to humping. Naw girl, it doesn't work that way. You CAN NOT cure a yeast infection in a day!!!! There are treatments that you only have to take for one day, but it will take at least a few days to a couple weeks for that thing to work. Either way, cancel that date and heal your vagina before you jump back into the sack. You can thank me later.
SEX EDUCATION IS HELLA IMPORTANT!
Listen up women and men reading this: you can not depend on the school system to teach your children about their bodies and sex. You and your child will be failed every time! Gabby's recount of how she learned about her period had me sad and somewhat confused.
In 5th grade, school staff took all of the girls in the multipurpose room and told them that they COULD GET PREGNANT AT ANY MOMENT. What they were trying to say was that once you begin your period you can get pregnant if you engage in unprotected sex. Yeah... but that's not what they said. There was no conversation about what sex is, how it all works, and how to protect yourself. Gabby even hid her period and dirty drawers from her mom when it finally happened. It was even more disappointing that when her mom did find out that she had started her period, she just gave her pads and no instructions. Lord, we gotta do better! Side note: I need more moms to teach their daughters about hygiene. At least give the child some wipes to go in her purse along with the pad. My mom and I may not have had an in depth convo about my period when I was younger, but she taught me early on that I shouldn't have a funky smell coming from down there.
Gabby turned to Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret, a Judy Blume classic to learn more about menstruation. When I was in middle school I remember going to the bookstore and buying "The Care & Keeping of You: The Body Book for Girls" by American Girl. It was within those pages that I learned more about my body and what to expect as it went through changes. It even showed how to insert a tampon!
Now I get it, everybody can't easily have a conversation about puberty and sex. If you can't find the right words, find good resources that you can share with your sister, daughter, cousin, niece, or friend. Above all else, have the damn conversation! Please. Young girls shouldn't be left to fend for themselves to learn about things that are so natural. What we don't teach them, the world will.
The spectrum of experiences that women face during pregnancy is long and wide. There are women who get pregnant, feel prepared, barely have any negative symptoms during pregnancy, and go on to deliver healthy babies. On the opposite spectrum you have women who can't get pregnant or get pregnant, but cant stay pregnant long enough to have a baby on their own. Furthermore, there are women who can afford IVF and try it multiple times, but still don't succeed in carrying to term. My heart goes out to these women who want something that some of us can have at the drop of a dime. Sometimes it just doesn't seem fair.
In the book Gabby shared that she's had at least 8-9 miscarriages. A testament that no matter how much money you have, how great you are, or how much you pray, sometimes your body just wont allow you to carry a child.
The biggest lesson I took from this chapter is that we have to stop "clocking" each other's uterus. We've all done it. We ask newlyweds when they're going to have a baby. We ask women with one child, when baby number 2 is coming (GUILTY!). We ask women in their 30s, without kids, when they are going to find a man and have a baby. We rarely do the same to men. The biggest part is we don't truly know what struggle that woman may be dealing with and most women aren't going to say "oh I've been trying for years and can't have a baby, so please stop asking". There are also women who just don't want children and that is perfectly fine too. Support their decision. Don't bash them for making a decision that affects their life [not yours].
Right now I have family members clocking my uterus with "Justin needs a sibling", or "you don't want to have your kids too far apart, they wont be able to build a good relationship". I really want to scream: "Newsflash people! I'm still going through this quarter life crisis of mine so until i get a handle on what exactly I'm doing with my life, I'm going to pause on bringing another child into the world." But that's not politically correct, right?
Enough about me though! Want more information about what professional baller Gabby dated in HS (she clearly has a type), her cheating father, details about her divorce, how to get over a break-up, or deets on her current relationship with D. Wade? Get the book!!! There are some great gems that I don't want you to miss! Cheers.