Should you tell your partner about your "number" ?

How many people have you slept with?

Take a second, think about it.

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Is it too high? Really low? Somewhere in the middle?

Well the truth is, it isn't any of my or anyone else's business. I'll admit that in the past I have shared my number. Back then I felt the number of partner's I'd been with was low, so I wasn't ashamed to say what it was. But if it wasn't low, honestly, I would’ve lied. Why? Because people are judgemental. J Cole said it best in the song Nobody’s Perfect,  “She say she only f****d like 4-5 n****s, so you know you gotta multiply by 3”.

Cmon, you know it’s true. If you say 5, you’re lying. If you say 20, you’re a hoe. While a man who has slept with 20 women is "normal" according to our society's lovely double standards. Over 20, forget about it. And let me be clear this is not my opinion. I could care less how many people you’ve slept with....but I’m also not trying to sleep with you. 


So what do you do when you’re asked the question?


Instead, counter back with this: What is it that you’re really trying to learn about me?

More than likely these are the questions a new partner really wants to know:  

  1. Do you get checked out for STI’s regularly? When was the last time? What did you find?

  2. Do you use protection: Every time? Sometimes? Never?

  3. Have you slept with anyone else in my immediate circle of friends, any family?

  4. How do you feel about exclusively having sex with just me?

  5. Are you interested in a monogamous relationship? With me?

  6. Do you have expectations for the people that you sleep with?

  7. All of the above

The next time someone asks you that question, think about what they’re really trying to get at and ask them what that is. The number that you say is not going to give them any real information except a reason to judge you unfairly. Instead get to the root of the question and talk about that.

Now it's your turn to chime in. Would you tell someone your "number"? Why or why not? Click below to share your thoughts on your favorite from of social media.

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