Should you have sex on the first date?


Ladies, I am all about empowering you. So I believe women should make good informed decisions in all that they do, including who they sleep with. Some of us have had sex on the first date and come out on the other side perfectly fine, but the ugly truth is that many of us won’t. Below are just a few questions to ask yourself before deciding to get in bed with someone new after one date.


Where will sex happen and do you feel safe enough to do it?

Safety first guys! Where is this going down? Will it be at your place, at theirs, in the bathroom at the restaurant, in the backseat of your car...? Wherever you choose, you should feel physically and mentally comfortable in that space. Now that you know the “where”, let’s talk about some deeper issues. Do you feel safe with this person? Meaning, do you feel like you can trust this person not to do physical harm to you during or after sex? Also consider this, if you get to your destination and decide that you no longer want to engage in sexual activity, do you trust that this person will respect your decision? Finally, does anyone else in your life even know where you’re going or how to find this person if God forbid something goes wrong? It’s a lot to consider, right? Absolutely RIGHT!

Back in the day I would send my bestie a photo, name & phone number, address, license plate, basically anything I had that could lead a person back to them if I came up missing. I even did this on dates when I had no intentions of sleeping with the guy for months or ever! [Check out my latest post 4 Things you should Absolutely do Before a First Date.] This may seem like a lot, but the truth is, there are some awful people in the world and you need to protect yourself at the end of the day! If you feel very comfortable and still want to move forward, at the very least get some information that you can share with a friend. Ask to see their government name on a state ID or something girl !?!


Do you know anything about this person's sexual history? 

Now on to Protecting Your Vagina! Do you know anything about this person’s body? Do they currently have any STI’s? Are they currently having sex with other people? Do they have any paperwork to prove they have a clean slate? Let’s be real, we use our cell phones all day long. They could easily log into their electronic health record to show you documentation, if they want it that bad. Again, you may be thinking this is too much, but there are a lot of lovely STI’s that will not present themselves physically. So looking for bumps, lumps, and spots is not a good enough indicator of if they’re clean. Furthermore, condoms will not protect you from all STI’s. Yes my friends, “skin-to-skin” contact can lead to HPV and genital ulcer diseases like herpes and syphilis. BUT still look the area over, with the lights on!

Even more important, are you aware of your own sexual status? Do you plan to use an effective form of birth control that protects you from pregnancy AND STI’s? It’s recommended that you at least have a yearly gyno examination (Pap smear & STI assessment)  but sometimes more depending on your amount of sexual partners or if you're worried someone has stepped out on you. If you're not sure about both of your sexual status', then I've got a great idea for your next date: Go get tested together. I did it before and yes it was a little scary, but afterwards we were able to have all the sex we wanted knowing we were clean. Simply put, it’s irresponsible not to know the status of your partner or yourself before engaging in sex. Period.

Are you prepared for a potential one night stand?

Now here’s where I need you to think about protecting your heart. You’re on the first date and you’re totally hitting it off. I mean they’re saying all the right things, they’ve got their shit together, y'all would have a bomb wedding, and some cute ass kids. But seriously, what if none of that materializes? What if you sleep together tonight and never hear from them again? Will you be okay with that?

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Let’s be honest, sharing your body with another person shouldn’t be taken lightly. If you truly feel that you’ll be happy with that possible outcome (meaning you really just need to scratch an itch) then go for it. Yet know that even if you do continue to talk to or see this person, they may only expect sex from you because of the precedent that you’ve set. Personally, I think it's better to get to know someone and set some expectations before sleeping with them. Say up front if you’re interested in a relationship or that you don’t want to sleep with someone who is dating or sleeping with other people. Lay your cards on the table so there’s no confusion about what your intentions are. Hopefully, they will too.

Now I’ve given you a lot to think about friend. If you’re on the first date and things are heading toward sex and you feel confident that you can answer the questions above then go for yours! However, if any of these questions give you pause, then wait. You can always do it another time and you’ll probably enjoy it more without all those lingering questions hanging over your head.

Did I forget something? Is there something else you should be considering? If so share it on your favorite form of social media below and start a conversation with your friends. Want access to our library of resources about dating, sex, and relationships? Sign up here!