Should you have the code to your partner's phone?

I bet you all of my worldy goods that Beyonce has the code to Jay-Z's phone! Hell, I'm sure she also has the code to his computer, social media accounts, and safe deposit box. Now this post is not for the woman who has been with her partner for 1, 5, 10 years and could care less about the password on their phone. For whatever reason she is cool with it and that is all that matters. However, for those of you who are just dating, starting a relationship, or in a committed situation-ship and not sure how to you feel about it, this right here is for you. Now before I answer if you should have the code to your partner's phone, I have a more important question for you.  What stage of the relationship are you in?


If you’re in the “we’re just kicking it, let’s see where this goes” phase (i.e not in a relationship at all), there's a good chance that you both could be dating and talking to other people. I don't care if you are seeing each other everyday. If there is no commitment, there is no reason why you should be in each other’s phone. 9 times out of 10 you’re going to find something you really don't want to see. And 9 times out of 10 you're going to be pressed about it and screw up the relationship before it even begins. Sit tight homie.



What if it's in the “it’s getting serious, we’re spending a lot of time together, having raw sex (i said it), we’ve said I love you, I've met bae's friends and family” almost in a relationship phase? I’m still going with NO. Until you have a conversation about what you are to each other, what your expectations are as partners, and what your future goals are, you are not in a real relationship. Follow this rule: “if it’s not said, it’s not true.”  You don't just fall into a relationship. You have to be intentional with your vocabulary to make sure you're on the same page. Therefore, one or both of you could still be talking to or dating other people and thus still deserve your privacy.



Okay, what about the “we’re in a serious monogamous relationship where we’ve talked about expectations, and are talking about marriage and kids or forevership”. In my opinion, the answer is probably yes. At this point you both have agreed to a set of terms that you can happily live with and you really shouldn’t have anything to hide. If you’re talking about spending the rest of your life together, there’s really no reason why you wouldn’t have it...but you can convince me otherwise in the comments section if you think there is a good reason why not.



 Mr. Mayweather and I became exclusive after 6 months of dating. We didn't exchange phone codes until months later and it happened organically. He asked me to check something for him in his phone and told me the code. I casually told him mine too. We didn't have a long deep discussion about it. I think we just felt  comfortable enough in our relationship to do so. We also weren't really hiding our phones in the in-between time either. Most nights that I slept over he'd just leave the phone sitting wherever which made me feel like he didn't have anything to hide.

Let’s be clear, I don't have the code to my husbands' phone so that I can snoop on him or because I don't trust him. I trust him wholeheartedly and have since we began dating; which is part of the reason why I married him. We have each other's information mostly out of convenience. The phone vibrates, and bae is driving, I can read the text so that he doesn't kill us both trying to do it himself. My phone dies and I need to make a call, I enter the code and use his phone to make the call.  My phone is in another room and I'm too lazy to get mine, I can use his to look up what I need to know. It's really that simple.

If you’ve been dating your partner for years, are in a committed relationship, and he’s not in the CIA or Superman, it may be time to have a conversation.  Having trouble bringing it up? First, do some reflection and ask yourself why you feel you need to know it. If it has anything to do with trust, like cheating, then you need to have a conversation about that- not a password. If you just feel like its time, consider slipping it in the next time you're together. Tell bae that your phone is about to die or moving really slow and you need to look up something really important. Tell them you can check it on their phone, but you need the pass code and see how they respond.  If you're more blunt like me, just simply ask if they think you two should have each other's code. Clear communication always works. Just be prepared that your partner may not agree and consider how you might respond to it. You can't force someone to give you the goods.

Now again, If it doesn’t bother you either way, carry on with your life. You should always do what works best for your relationship. There’s no right or wrong answer here unless it really bothers you. What do you think? Leave a comment and share!