The Homewrecker Myth: 5 Tips to Keep Unwanted Women Away
I am very fortunate to say that in my 5 year relationship with the hubby, we have never had issues around infidelity.
Don’t clap just yet!
I am a realist and I know that shit happens. We have no idea what the future will hold, so I’m not above anyone who has combated cheating in their relationship. What I can say is that I wholeheartedly trust my husband, but in the same breathe I DO NOT trust these hoes. I know it may be crass, but there are women in this world who don't give a damn about my marriage. Frankly, I don’t blame em, their parents probably didn't teach them about morals and marriage. Yet, here’s the kicker: Another woman can’t come into your marriage and wreck it without your partner’s consent. A woman may very well know about you and still sleep with your husband, but she’s not the one that said vows to you. She's not the one that committed to you. She doesn't owe you a thing. It’s the sick, sad truth.
Now if you don't get anything else from this blog post I want you to get this: ANOTHER PERSON CAN NOT BREAK UP YOUR HAPPY HOME. The truth is maybe you were the only happy person in the relationship. Maybe your partner was miserable AF, but didn't know how to tell you. Maybe all of your needs were being met and you weren't paying attention to theirs or you were paying attention and it still didn't matter. It’s not about someone else breaking up your perfect home. It’s about someone finding a entry point in a crack that one or both of you have created. Also I’m not saying it’s okay to cheat. If you or your partner are unhappy, you should definitely talk about it and fix it or leave. Seriously, you and your partner will be tempted by outside people for the rest of your life. When you two are determined to make it work and learn to effectively communicate, it’s less likely that someone else can find their way in.
Let me also state that that some people are just better liars than others. You missed the signs that your partner or husband was a whore because they put on an Academy award winning performance that made you believe that they would be monogamous. In that case don't accept any blame for their cheating. Some of us are going to be cheated on and that’s just life.
Now I can’t make your partner be faithful, but what I can do is give you 5 tips to keep unwanted women away. Check it out below!
EDUCATE YOUR PARTNER
Men can be soooooo naive. Half of them won't even notice that a woman is initially coming on to them. It may start with a simple inquiry into their new business venture and somehow it turns into let's meet for coffee and by the way here’s my vagina on a platter. Some of these men will just assume she is being friendly. So ladies, you must put your man up on game. Teach him the difference between friendly and flirting. Point it out when you see it. It can be a scene in a movie, a situation on your favorite tv show, or an interaction you see at a family barbecue. Sometimes you have to give men concrete examples so they know what to look out for.
Let me also say that you have to have patience as you are teaching. Don't yell at them when they don't see a woman coming on to them. No one likes a nagging partner.
REALIZE THAT IT'S MORE ABOUT SECURITY AND LESS ABOUT LOOKS
I don't care how fine or ugly your partner is, looks have nothing to do with it. Most women are looking for providers. They love a man who is wanted and needed by someone else. The same man that you’re disgusted by because he gained 40 pounds, looks fine AF to another woman. They think “oh look at the way he takes care of his family, look at his work ethic, he’s always talking about his children, and showing gratitude for all the things his wife does.” Before you know it they have inserted their face into your pictures and are daydreaming about what it would be like to take your place. All it takes is for a woman to consistently lift up your man when you have not been and poof, he’s slipped and fell into… her lap. Don’t let someone else notice all of his effort, while you don’t even acknowledge it. I’m not saying that you have to praise your man for doing stuff that he’s supposed to do for the family, but you do have to show gratitude and pay attention to the little things on a consistent basis. Everybody likes to be complimented. Trust me on this one.
HIS FRIENDS SHOULD BE YOUR FRIENDS
The day that my husband and I got married, his friends officially became my friends and vice versa. When he starts talking about how he ran into his “friend” at an event (insert woman or man’s name that I’ve never heard of before) my spidey senses start tingling. Sorry, if I haven't heard their name in the 5 years that we’ve been together, that’s not OUR friend. That is an associate, someone your mama knows, or an old classmate. Friends are people that you see and communicate with on a regular basis. Everybody else are just... people you see sometimes. Also keep in mind that if a woman is trying to build a friendship with your husband and is not including you in it, there’s a problem. We are a team package homie. She doesn't even have to like me, but she will be cordial.
Finally be sure that you build relationships with ALL of their friends.Yes, even the ones you can’t stand. Remember keep your friends close and your enemies even closer.
EMAIL IS FOR BUSINESS, NOT PRIVATE MESSAGES
Look if two people want to talk business they will email, chat on the phone, or meet in person. Having a whole ass conversation in a person’s DM’s is unprofessional. Be weary of people who send a bunch of private messages. If you want to say hi you can say it on a Facebook wall or in the comments section. Keep your words where I can see them. I know that sometimes we bring work home, so we have to talk to our co-workers or business prospects after work hours. However, those conversations should not be a secret or taken in the other room.There’s no need to interrogate your partner about what’s going on at work, but you should stay in the loop about inner work happenings. This can be simple dinner table chat.
TRUST THEM OR LEAVE THEM ALONE
This one should be the simplest. If you can’t trust your partner around the opposite sex, you probably shouldn’t be in a relationship with them and you definitely shouldn't marry them. Time will not fix your problems. A liar is a liar.
So to sum it up: Your focus should be on keeping your partner happy and asking for what you need in return to be happy in the relationship. If someone is wrecking your home, it’s because one or both of y'all let them in.
Want more info like this? Today's snippet comes from Chapter "H" on Hoes are Everywhere, in my upcoming e-book The A to Z Guide to Thriving in the First Year of Marriage.