Post-Baby Sex: What you Should Know!
In the past 3 months, three of my close friends have had babies.
(In my Oprah voice) You get a baby and you get a baby and you get one too!
While they are busy learning the ropes of mommy-hood, I'm sure some of my readers can also relate to late nights and early morning feedings, changing diapers, soothing tantrums, and being dumbfounded as to why they were crying in the first place. I mean remembering to shower and feed yourself a decent meal can be hard enough. Now include trying to keep your partner happy as well. So how do you keep it all together and find time for sex? While all mom’s have their own unique experiences, below are a few lessons I learned after the birth of my son and other things to keep in mind when planning sex, post baby.
Whether you have a vaginal birth or c-section there will be afterbirth. What’s that, you ask? It’s when your body gets rid of the blood and tissue that was inside of the uterus with baby. So it’s similar to having a period anywhere between 4-8 weeks- blahhh. Hopefully it will lighten up and look more like spotting over time, but add that your body hurts, you may need to heal from delivery related injuries or your c-section surgery, and you have to feed, cuddle, bathe, change baby, and get intermittent sleep. Wooo, it can be a lot! Realistically, there’s no way that your body is ready for sex.
Note: Ladies if this is your first child and you’re in a healthy relationship with your partner, you’re going to experience a warm fuzzy feeling that you’ve never felt before as you watch them love and take care of you and the child in such a thoughtful way. Yes, you may feel inspired to give them a friendly hand or blow job to show your gratitude, but only do it If you have the strength to do it and really want to. Otherwise give them kisses and hugs for now and bottle up all that sexual tension for when you are mentally and physically ready.
6 WEEKS AND COUNTING
Most women get the clear from their doctor after 6 weeks. Yet, the truth is that you’re probably not going to run home and jump in the bed. If we’re keeping it real, I was a little traumatized after having a baby. My vagina had been leaking for weeks, I had to get stitches down there so I had to take extra care of my vag, I was exhausted, and I just wasn't in the mood. So I waited. I don't think we had sex until maybe 10 weeks after baby, and some women wait even longer. My husband watched our son come out so he knew the struggle was real and was very supportive. Anyway, I say all that to say, that you don’t need to be rushed into having sex. Do it when YOU are ready.
Your baby is 2, maybe 3 months old. Are you ready to start this process all over again? If so, then enjoy your unprotected sex! However, if you need a break, then your 6 week doctors visit is the perfect time to bring up birth control. For moms who are breastfeeding, you’ll want to use a progestin-only contraceptive (Progestin only pill, injection, or IUDs like Mirena or Skyla). If you don’t plan to breastfeed, sky’s the limit! I personally chose a IUD (Which has been fabbbbulous darling!) because I knew I wasn’t interested in having another child for at least 2 years and didn't want anything that I would need to remember to take. However, all methods of birth control have their drawbacks so be sure to do your own research before choosing.
LUBE, LUBE, LUBE!
Listen, the first time you have sex after delivering a baby may feel like you’re losing your virginity all over again. Contrary to popular belief, if you had a vaginal birth it won’t be liking “throwing a hot dog down a hallway” afterwards. Things will definitely tighten up after no sex for six weeks whether you had a vaginal birth or a c-section. Your vagina may have been like a faucet before baby, but your hormones are probably still all over the place and you may not get aroused as easily as before. Also, if child birth and delivery were traumatic for you, you may be frightened by the idea of having sex, which will cause you to tense up even more. So what do you do? Besides waiting until you’re ready, keep some lube nearby. A good water based lube will help make your experience better.
OH, YOU’RE BREASTFEEDING TOO?
So I got the okay from my doc, I waited until I had the energy to have sex, we put baby down for a nap, we started making out, and then my boobs started squirting out milk...AWKWARD! If you’re breastfeeding then you have experienced that feeling when your breasts become engorged and hurt a little when baby starts crying because he’s hungry or it’s been too long since the last feeding or pump. Well the same thing can happen when you get turned on or your partner starts to play with your nipples. If you’re trying to have a sexy moment, leaky breasts won't help. So what can you do? Make sure that you feed baby or pump before sex. Another idea is to keep your bra on during sex and line them with nursing pads. It may not be as visually appealing for your partner, but at least there won’t be milk everywhere.
HOW TO MAKE TIME FOR SEX
So some of you will be blessed and highly favored and have a baby that sleeps for long periods of time in their own crib right out of the gate. God bless you! For those of us who will have a baby who wakes up every 3-4 hours and won’t stay asleep during the night for years, it may be hard to make time for sleep, let alone have sex. So what can you do to save time?
Start foreplay before your partner gets home - Send a sexy text message or phone call before you see them in person or start touching yourself /play with a toy before they get home...just find a way to get each other excited about what's to come.
Make a date- Is there a friend or family member who you trust to watch your baby for a few hours? If so, drop them off (maybe go on a quick date) and get it on!
Learn your baby’s sleeping pattern- If you know that you child takes a nap every day around 6 pm, then plan and prepare yourself for sex around that time.
Just do oral- Got 10-15 minutes? Go down on each other.
Sneak Around- Look judge away, but there were times where we would sneak and have sex (think hiding behind the couch or around the corner) while baby was secure in his pack and play or baby rocker.
Take a shower together- Yo, I still have not mastered shower sex. I’ve done it, but it wasn’t like they do it in the movies. Even if it does not lead to sex , it’s sexy to have an excuse to rub your naked bodies together.
Stay connected in other ways- An orgasm doesn’t always have to be the goal. Instead try giving your partner a 10 minute back massage or foot rub.
Get your kid out of your bed- This may be a rough one, but the sooner you get the baby out of your bedroom, the faster you will create a safe space to have sex with your partner. It took us two years. Don’t be like us.
So what did I miss? What else should people know about having sex after a baby? Leave a comment below or share this on your favorite social media site.