15 Questions to ask before you say "I Do"
Ya'll I knew marriage would be work but this is wooooooooork.
Pre-marital counseling prepared us for what was ahead, but I can admit that there were other topics that we probably should have talked about before jumping the broom. Nonetheless, we are pressing our way through and I have no regrets in my decision to marry the man of my dreams, my husband.
Since I'm always thinking of how I can help other women by sharing my mistakes, I decided to create a free resource called the A-Z Guide: 100+ Questions to ask before you say "I Do". It contains over 26 topics to think about before marriage and over 100 example questions that you can use. If you've already signed up for my free resource library, you will find it there. If not, you can sign up today.
In the meantime, I'll share the first 5 topics of the guide with you. This isn't an exhaustive list of questions to ask, but hopefully the first 15 will inspire you to come up with questions of your own.
Let's get into it!
A is for Arguments
In a partnership, you will not always agree (insert disagreement turned argument here). However, it is possible to work through your issues. Be wary of people who avoid conflict like the plague. Partners who never fight are either super passive or ready to blow at any moment. Working on conflict resolution while dating can save you a lot of heartache in the future.
- When there is conflict, how do you and your partner individually respond? (Run away, fight til you're blue in the face, blame game, etc.)
- Are the arguments that you have about little meaningless things (folding clothes, what to eat for dinner, the time it takes to get ready) or are they about more important matters (friendships, money, sex, health)?
- How do you resolve conflict? Is it healthy? Does your partner show signs of abuse (mental, verbal, or physical)?
B is for Bank accounts and sharing Bills
Finances have ended many a relationship. You each will come into the relationship with your own financial history and baggage. It’s important to talk up front about how you will manage bills that you incurred before the relationship and bills that you accumulate together.
- Will you join all of your finances or will you keep separate accounts throughout your marriage?
- Will you split bills down the middle or will one partner take on more than half (or all) of them? Do you have dreams of being a stay at home parent? Do you both agree with the reasoning for this decision?
- Will you make an agreement to consult one another before making purchases over a certain amount of money (for example before you make a purchase over $250)?
C is for Career
Nowadays, most people don’t hire into one job and retire from the same company. This means that there will likely be career changes throughout the span of a marriage. It’s important to talk about where you each are currently and what changes may look like in the future.
- Are you happy with your current career choice? Is your partner?
- If your partner’s career path is one that demands them to work more than 4 hours a week, causes them to travel a lot, or hang out all night with famous people, will you be able to deal with their lifestyle? (Think: doctors, lawyers, consultants, music executives, artists, etc.)
- If you plan to change jobs in the near future, will that include moving to a different state or country? Is your partner willing to move?
D is for Documents
Your marriage license is an important piece of paper, but so are insurance documents, pre-nuptial agreements, wills, leases and/or mortgages. Now is the time to talk about them.
- Will you be insured through one person’s employer or both? Will you get term life/ whole life insurance through a private company?
- Do you currently have a written will? If not, when will you create one?
- What assets do you feel you need to protect, in the case that your marriage does not last? Do either of you want a pre-nup?
E is for Expectations
Marriage is not synonymous with monogamy. If you didn’t have this conversation at the beginning of your relationship or have dealt with infidelity during dating, now is the time to talk about your sExpectations.
- What are your expectations for marriage? (Monogamy, intimacy, etc.).
- Is cheating a deal breaker for either of you? What does cheating mean to you? To your partner? Are your definitions the same?
- Would you ever consider an open marriage or polyamorous relationship?
Want more examples? Click the link below to get access to F-Z in 100+ Questions to Ask Before you say "I DO": An A to Z Guide.